So .... On two separate occasions I was told by a stranger to smile. Because its a beautiful day. Because it can't be that bad. And I was only out and about for a short three hours. I had a terribly lonely weekend.
I did get an amazing pair of boots that quickly won me the approval of every man in sight, but that wasn't the point. And in truth probably only served to deepen the loneliness.
So as I ponder what to do about the incredible nasty blister on my heel (yes, a product of amazing boots) I also ponder what to do with my fragile self. I hate the space that has been growing between myself and the man I love. I hate the easy way I debate my choices. I read and I wait. I go to the gym and I wait. I drink good coffee and I wait. I wait for affection, I wait for love. I wait as I have waited some 3 years hoping that he will bring me coffee, that he would send me flowers, that he would buy me a present. I wait and I strive for 135 and dream that if I reach that fateful goal he will show me love. If I am skinny he will love me. And I curse my fat. And I cut my calories. And I carry on.
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